Halloween is now less than 4 weeks away, and if you haven't yet thought about your wardrobe, then you will soon. It's unavoidable. It's also nearly impossible to find a fun, sexy costume that doesn't have the word "slutty" in its description, but with my help, you can show off your bod on the Night of One Thousand Skanks without dressing like a skank. Got that? Below are 3 fitness-focused costumes to consider for October 31, not one of which involves fishnet tights, a garter belt or your father's disapproving glare.
IN HER "LET'S GET PHYSICAL" MUSIC VIDEO, 1981
Start with colorful tights. HUE makes great opaque ones. The add the leotard in a contrasting neon shade. If you can't find one with high-cut legs, enlist the help of a seamstress. (You can do this because it's only October 1, and you have 30 days to prepare.) Top it all off with a thin, cap-sleeved T-shirt cut down the middle and tied at the natural waist. Slip your tootsies into a pair of coordinating leg warmers and white Reebok trainers, and accessorize your moussed-up '80s hair with a terry cloth sweatband.
Optional: Add a belt and ditch the T-shirt to evoke ONJ's sister of sweat Jane Fonda.
REAGAN-ERA TENNIS PRO
Can you tell I love the 'Eighties? Everything was better back then, including tennis fashion. Start with the basics: You will need a white tennis skirt (from any era) and a tight white polo. If craftiness is your M.O., attach a crocodile decal for Lacoste vibes, or monogram it with the last name of one of the era's superstars, like Sabatini, Evert or Navratilova. Bonus points if you skip the bra. Slide a white visor into your massive hairdo and white calf-length socks and Tretorn sneakers on your feet. You'll be all set to smash some sets at the haunted house.
FROM PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON'S BOOGIE NIGHTS
Wholesome she was not. But Heather Graham's Rollergirl from the incredibly NSFW Boogie Nights made seedy '70s porn look very glam. Make your costume a composite of the character's most memorable looks: twin braids framing heart-shaped sunglasses, a sporty red romper, knee-high striped socks and, of course, 4-wheel roller skates. Just leave the drugs at home.
Optional: DIY your own jersey-inspired playsuit by running glitter glue stripes up the sides of matching separates from American Apparel. Invest in a super-fab plastic visor to accent your puffy disco 'do.